Death Calls and calls and calls

Halloween and Thanksgiving has passed since my last blog post and I have to say that Halloween is far superior to ALL of the holidays in my book. With Christmas just around the corner, my holiday anxiety is in full effect.

I’ve been looking back at a photoshoot I did for the podcast where my friend, Jo Rich, took my idea of “make me a skeleton” to complete perfection. Where I felt more like myself than I do on most days organizing closets and posing for social media. Where walking around a cemetery with my boo Jordan Burch felt like what I imagine most feel like frolicking through a meadow. It didn’t feel dark or disrespectful. It felt freeing and magical. Like a boost of confidence that had been buried deep down while I worried about what others would think.

This is the thing about Halloween and dressing up. You get to choose to be exactly who you want to be. Play the character or BE the character. No need to explain yourself. No need to be shy. No apologies.

What if we lived EVERY day like Halloween dress up? No, not the slutty nurse (although I’ve been her at one point in my life too). What I mean is, what if we FINALLY said what we wanted. Did what we wanted. Chased the dreams, made the rules, and pivoted whenever we felt like it was time. Instead of what we are doing right now.

You know what I mean here. What are we doing ALL THE TIME. We are following the standard. Going with the flock. The trends. The culture. The norm. We are being respectful and burying our opinions instead of being honest. Now, I don’t mean talking politics at the Thanksgiving dinner table. I mean, being honest about the mask you’re wearing all the time.

For most of us, we have Halloween and our daily life FLIPPED. 364 days we are wearing a mask that is comfortable for everyone else to see. And then Halloween rolls around and BOOM, we feel free. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to wear the mask that makes everyone else feel comfortable but makes my skin crawl.

I had a podcast episode not too long ago titled “The Journey”. I talked about this very thing. How hard it can feel, how lonely. To go out on a limb. Against the grain and try and MAKE your own path instead of sitting around waiting for something to happen for you.

I’m embracing the lonely. The gap between the identity I used to have and the one I’m trying to create. I no longer vibe with the old me, but I’m still on the journey to the new me. It’s this place where my old friends may not understand me anymore. And I don’t quite fit in with the new. But it doesn’t matter because I have a vision. I have BIG dreams and can sense what’s coming my way. I constantly doubt and question everything. I often feel like I’m crazy but I keep moving forward. Making one small decision each day that inches me closer to the Emily I wish to be. The life I want for myself and my family.

We are sitting in the gap between Thanksgiving and Christmas where stress levels skyrocket. Anxiety spikes. Obligations set in and what is suppose to be a wonderful time with family turns into a whirlwind of emotions. I am very excited to have time with my family. To try my best to kick up my feet and relax while the tornado of thoughts, to-do lists and heaviness of the end of the year cloud my mind constantly. I know I’m not alone. I have conversations with some close to me about this and MOST of us are struggling. MOST of us have reached a point where they feel like they are suffocating. And cover it up with a cute outfit and a smile. OR just don’t leave the house. Either way, it’s a hard season for A LOT of people and this is just a reminder that the mask we are wearing isn’t helping us. It isn’t helping your mental health nor is it helping those in your life to understand what’s going on with you.

Be honest this season. Protect your peace. Take a deep breath and say no. NO to obligations that don’t fit where you are right now. No to environments that hurt you. No to being anyone but YOU. The real you with all of your flaws and mistakes. Happy Holidays to whatever that looks like for you. I hope you gain some moments of peace among whatever is stressful. I know I will be working on all of it, and no longer masking it.